All in all, I think I did a pretty good job at keeping this a secret until now.
I wasn’t posting all the meals of mac and cheese or cereal for dinner or just toast + butter for breakfast. Hardly any veggies have been on my plate for the past 2.5 months, which makes it hard to keep food looking normal on a food blog.
We’re having a baby! This little bun will be cooking until May 2015, and then there will be one more taste tester on our kitchen crew.
But above all the excitement, I also want to be completely honest.
This has been a long, tough road for us. We weren’t the couple that got pregnant on accident (or even when we were planning!); it didn’t happen after a few glasses of wine or on our honeymoon or because I started using some app to track everything.
We’ve been waiting over 6 years to be able to say that we’re pregnant.
It has been one of the most challenging – emotionally, mentally, physically, financially – times in my life.
Our journey ended up being years of trying on our own, surgeries, appointments, drugs, procedures, and somehow – miraculously, after all that – we’re on our way to being parents.
I don’t know why things work out in the timing that they do, but I think they happen for a reason. Even though the procedures themselves didn’t work, I think that being on the drugs and schedules and the whole mindset changes something – maybe it knocked something loose or got something in line just enough to make it happen.
Here’s the thing: there is no reason to feel alone when you’re going through this. I know that I’m not the only person walking this path, but it’s very hard to let that knowledge sink in when it turns into your personal daily battle. Because maybe, like me, all your friends are getting pregnant right now for the first or third or eighth time. And every time you see an email or status update, it kills you a little more. I get it. I mean, of course you’re happy for your friends and family, but it’s almost impossible to not have that affect you. Trying – and failing – to get pregnant is a lot of things: devastating, frustrating, polarizing, depressing, isolating. It made me feel like a failure as a woman, as a human being. But it shouldn’t. And I hope, if you’re going through this, you find ways to keep yourself from sitting and dwelling in that place.
So, after all this, here we are! Into the second trimester and doing a little bit better with veggies. My days that used to consist of mostly pretzel sticks seem to be behind me (thank goodness). I’m yawning all day long, but it’s okay. It’s all okay.
I wouldn’t trade any of this, and I hope I never, ever even begin to take any of this for granted because I know what it’s like to only hear “no”.
I know those days when you see no light at the end of the tunnel. Been there, lots of times. I’ve made friends super uncomfortable after starting to cry in public places when other friends announced that they were pregnant. I’ve cried myself home from other’s houses and been angry for stupid reasons. It happens. I get it. Lots of people understand – way more than you think.
But thank goodness for great doctors and the options we have. And for our friends and family that stood by us and held us up through all of this. And for you, for getting through this long post.
Now….someone pass the fries.