All my life, I’ve wanted to be a writer.
I spent summer days immersed in books, reading until I could read no more. I entered writing contests in elementary and middle school, wrote a sequel to Snow White, a short story about my teacher being eaten by a hippopotamus, a book about the beach, and one about my sisters.
I wrote a poem in my little notebook with the Orca whale on the cover when my Mawmaw passed away. I wrote in my journal and notebooks when Marques and his mom died. I wrote when Nany and Pampaw moved on to bigger buffet tables in heaven, when I was rejected by a boy in high school, when my best friends decided to no longer be my friends, when I was convinced I was the right girl for a certain boy – only he didn’t agree, when nothing in my world made sense, when I was cheated on, when I was lied to, when giving up seemed like the best option, when I felt alone, when I was so in love I couldn’t think straight, when I found my soul mate, when I was so hurt and deceived by people I thought I knew that writing was all I could do. I write when I’m happy, when I’m sad, when I’m angry, when I’m anything.
I get completely lost in books, imagining myself in each scene and easily getting attached to the characters.
I’ve fallen in love, fallen out of love, been crushed by tragedies, smiled at happy endings, and cried for people that don’t exist. And as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be able to create that magic for someone else. To have someone else read what I’ve written and be transported, to fall into the words, to put off other things just to get through one more page, one more chapter.
And yet, writing here is all I’ve allowed myself to do. I have been so utterly terrified of failure that I would talk myself out of reaching for other opportunities.
I want to write; I do. But other than this blog and my honorable mentions from elementary school, I have no real world experience. Maybe that’s what has been holding me back: I know that without experiences and publications, it is extremely hard to write for a living.
How do you get past that fear of rejection and into your life long dream?
How can I push past all my excuses and reasons for not doing this to go after what I want?
Can I do it?
What is it that changes dreams and passions and longing into acting and doing and creating?
Is my dream of being a writer just a dream, something that will never happen for me?
One of my favorite authors of all time, Ernest Hemingway once wrote: "All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know."
So here it is.
I am scared to go after what I truly want in life. Some days, I don’t even know exactly what I want.
I’m afraid to take the leap and take a chance.
I’m terrified that I’ll get in over my head and have no way back. But I’m also scared to stay where I am – uninspired, unfulfilled, and unhappy in my work.
The crazy thing about this post is that I wrote the beginning of it a few weeks ago, and just getting those thoughts and feelings out and onto the screen, letting them flow through my fingertips as they danced over the keyboard, made me truly realize what I’m missing.
I decided to finally act.
And I’m so incredibly humbled and ridiculously giddy to announce this exciting news!
I am officially a published writer!
I’ve been reading Bella Magazine, a regional (Virginia) magazine for women for months and love everything they’re doing. After emailing back and forth a few months ago, I finally had my first piece published in their September issue – and I couldn’t be more ecstatic!
It is crazy to see my face – my face! – in print.
And my pictures/recipes! I’ll have a monthly column to write about all things food – recipes, restaurant reviews, or random tidbits.
Needless to say, I’m psyched. It just seems surreal that it’s actually happening.
I finally took my own advice and went out on a limb for my dream.
Maybe this isn’t the next great American novel, but it’s my words out there in print.
Thank you, thank you for reading and commenting and helping me get up the courage to go after this dream! Thank you to my family for the constant encouragement and unfailing belief in my abilities. And a big thank you to everyone else I see going after their dreams with incredible resolve and determination – your notes and posts and emails have been so important in my own journey and a great inspiration to others around you.
Two questions for today:
What dream are you putting on the back burner?
What in the world should I call my column?!?