Ready for part 2? (Here’s part 1 if you missed it)
So, the spring/summer of 2003.
The good thing about this time in my life?
I started dating Nick. I think this is one reason why things really started to turn around.
He wanted to date me, even though I wasn’t happy with myself. He had known me before I gained the weight…and he still wanted to be with me.
The spring semester of that year was his last year in school – the perfect time to start dating, right? Right before he graduated? ;) But we made it work.
He moved here (to the house we live in now) and I went home for the summer. We talked every night on the phone, no matter what.
The summer itself was going okay – I had a great summer job, was dating Nick, and had just accepted where I was at the time. That’s not to say I was happy or that I wasn’t still dealing with these bad habits – I just had other things to focus on.
The final straw was a comment I got from my Pampaw. God bless him, and I miss him terribly – without this comment, I may never have started on this path when I did.
My family was out to lunch one day after church, and he walked past me to get to his seat, pinched my arm, and said “Getting a little chubby, aren’t you?”
Now…Pampaw just didn’t say things like that.
I was so angry and hurt and just wanted to not eat my lunch, crawl under the table, and get out of there.
I remember feeling my face turn red, my face flush and get hot, and the tears filling my eyes.
But because he never, ever said things like that to anyone, I knew it was coming from concern. I know he loved me, loved all of us, and I knew it wasn’t meant to be cruel or hurtful – just honest.
He told me the very thing I was trying to ignore.
I joined Weight Watchers for the first time that summer.
I actually ended up losing a few pounds that summer, but I wasn’t horribly committed to the program. I mean….I did it, but I not as well as I could have. But I lost a few pounds and was feeling a bit better – plus, I was totally, head-over-heels in love.
The summer went pretty well and I headed back to school in August. Since I was a broke college student with no real/good paying job, I couldn’t keep going to the WW meetings. I tried doing the program on my own for a while since I had the materials, and I did okay.
But those bad habits of good during the week/crap on the weekends started creeping back in.
I was constantly dealing with this battle in my head – criticizing myself all the time for stupid things and yet I was ridiculously happy with my family and Nick and my friends.
I was just so hard on myself – I gave myself no room for error.
No forgiveness. I had to be perfect or it was over, or that’s what I thought.
I think I ended up staying about the same weight my junior year in school, which I guess was good since I still wasn’t working out regularly or eating the best foods.
Did I mention that during my junior year, Nick and I got engaged, started planning a wedding (while still dating/being engaged long distance), my uncle had a horrible stroke and almost died, and I was just having a hard time overall?
I switched majors twice, was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and just had other things on my mind than following WW.
Of course, I didn’t lose anymore. I was stuck, but finding my wedding dress took my thoughts off of that for a while.
The closer the wedding got, the more I wished I would have done better following the program because I knew it worked. I joined WW with my sister to get the new materials and start up again.
But you know what?
The wedding happened. Nick and I got married, everything went smoothly, the weather was beautiful that day, and that’s all that mattered.
We had a great first summer being married, including me starting summer school and finding a part time job here.
I was also learning how to cook because…I didn’t know how to make anything other than velveeta shells & cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, and canned soup.
Seriously. I didn’t cook at school, and now I was married, living in our house, and trying to plan meals.
I got through the summer okay, but still wasn’t happy with myself and also hadn’t made any changes in how I thought about and treated myself.
So, I joined WW again in September of 2004.
For the 3rd and final time.